this is the sound of the summer every summer forever

Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.

Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.

Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.

You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.

As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.

Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.

This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.

A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.

an important thing to remember is that strikes are ultimately the result of the labour conditions imposed by the employers, not the workers. we can no more blame striking workers for the loss of services than we could blame them for stopping work during a fire, or a building collapse. the injury is carried out by the boss, the work stoppage is a result of it. if you are opposed to the negative consequences of an industry breaking down, remember that it's the bosses who caused the catastrophe.

(getting torn asunder but i can’t stop moaning so it gets weird)

>see truck next to us on the highway

>it says "off-road"

>look below it

>it's on the road

Apparently neopets not only managed to ditch the NFT bros, but with the closure of the Jumpstart brand weeks ago, neopets is now completely independent for the first time since the early 2000′s, got millions in a new investment deal and are currently installing a flash simulator so that all their games and animations work again.

i learned that the world record for the loudest thing ever shouted belongs to an Irish female teacher who shouted the word “quiet” at 121 decibels, the equivalent of a jet engine (x)

DISGUSTANG

oh my god?

Okay please read this whole article because there is important information in ther, including;

1. She never yells at her students- her record breaking 121 decibel shout happened during an event she’d been invited to. She was defending her title after setting the previous shouting record during a competition at a church camp, where she got to 119.4 decibels 

2. The only reason she entered the first competition was because her twin sister had entered and was about to win with a shout of 119.1 decibels. 

3. They took her to an expert to try to understand how she shouted so very loud and his conclusion was that her supernatural volume was fueled entirely by her need to beat her sister. 

That’s just how siblings are.

It really is

In case you think the writers on strike aren't making good use of their time, think no more!

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Only click the read more if you're fully prepared. I'm taking no responsibility past this point.

Keep reading

'can i copy your homework?'

'yeah just don't make it obvious'

Reminder that this is an experiment as per their official announcement (screenshot below).

Since this is an experiment, give your feedback to staff!

And remember to be specific on how this new navigation layout they are experimenting with is not working for you; hating it is one thing, but usability on different devices with different screen orientations, operating system, etc., would be much more impactful and meaningful.

What the fuck are people doing when they’re in the shower for 30 minutes

Dissociating

Having an existential crisis.

All of the above + singing.

Rehearsing for conversations I’ll never have. 

imagining scenarios that will never happen

crying

water warm

feels nice

lets hear it for transgenderism and faggotry. can I get a round of applause for transgenderism and faggotry

Portrait of a Demon I & II

weee they are coming haha

The wraiths